Andrew Lavin

August 19, 1969

Dekalb, Illinois

076-70-6249

Michael and Lydia Lavin; John Paul Lavin

School Psychologist

Rochester City School District

Edith Lavin; Raychel and Allie Schumacher

December 1, 1998

Asphyxia

Hanging in garage

Halwig Funeral Home

Oakwood Cemetery

Raining in January

It’s raining hard in January

Twenty minutes to make breakfast

An hour to shower

Staring out windows

Watching television

Pacing, Pacing, Pacing

Two hour phone conversations

No phone conversations

No where to go

Everything to do

Nothing to do

Two weeks

Four weeks

One step forward

Six weeks exactly on the hour

Why? Yes, no, but yes, no - Why?

First dream that he’s alive

Hugging, crying

“Whatever you’re feeling now you promise you won’t commit suicide?”

“I promise. Don’t worry. I promise.”

The snow slides off rooftops

Fast-pitch tennisballbaseball, farting in church, Atari 2600, Christmas Eve, Chicago Cubs, laughing until midnight, lost you when you went to college, lived with you when I graduated, eating clams, drinking beer, catching sting rays in Florida, you falling in love, me living in New York, your wedding, Edie, Raychel, Allie, your demons, playing one last catch with you, drinking one last beer, having one last talk, I heard you force out laughs, you told me not to worry about you - you told me

No where to go

Everything to do

Nothing to do

It’s raining hard in January